Update: The Local is closed.
In a word: Like most locals, it left us numb.
Beth ate the BLT and salad with a coffee.
JM ate the Local Pig pulled pork sandwich with a lemonade.
John ate the Crawfish Hoagie with baked beans and a coffee.
Nichole ate the Local Hero with sweet potatoes and a coffee.
Sean ate the half Tuna Melt and soup with a Bell's Tap.
We split an order of wings.
The bill was $67, or $13.40/person, plus tip.
John gave The Local Tavern a B; Sean gave The Local Tavern a C; JM gave The Local Tavern a C-; Nichole and Beth gave The Local Tavern a D+ (see our grading rubric).
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Dear The Local Tavern,
It's really hard to say this because we had such high hopes for you. Some of our friends said you were really nice, and your online profile made you sound pretty sweet. Group dating is always a good idea with someone you want to get to know better and so John, Sean and Beth joined us for our night on the town with you.
Well, I have never been so disappointed with a relationship. Things started with you ignoring Nichole when she arrived a little late. Of course, you were taking forever to make that generic coffee you serve and when it did come it came with grit in it.
It takes so many little things to make a relationship work. One of them is the menu. There were more differences between your website and your menu on the door and the marked up menus that you gave us all to read - talk about sending mixed signals! Are you that afraid of commitment?
Your red and green hot chicken wings were OK. (I don't want you to get a complex or anything.) But again, your online menu said the red ones were hotter than the green ones, which was just the opposite. The menu also said free refills on soda, but you billed us $2 for each glass. That drives us crazy!
John said that he liked your "personality" and your "ambiance" and your "Crawfish Hoagie," especially the side of pork and beans with lots of pork in it, but he's a bit of a pushover. And you know we all liked your BBQ sauce, though why you served it in cups the same size as the ones for your coleslaw is weird.
The rest of our friends thought your were boorish and incompetent. (We should have known when our friend Linda rolled her eyes when we said we were going out with you.) Beth said she found a caper in HER SALAD. The salad didn't even come with capers! And the bread on her sandwich was white, when she asked for wheat. Sean thought that other guys with places on the square would have offered us something better as a signature gumbo. Friends we can trust - you have to go.
Oh, and you really need to do something about the people you hang out with. They cannot go around chasing people on the way out the door cause they screwed up their bill. And the person who took our order tried to overcharge us too! What is your deal? It takes give and take to make a relationship work and you take our $8 and give us the smallest little sandwich ever.
Sometimes it feels like you're not even the same person. I mean, look at the size of the Local Hero sandwich compared to your other sandwiches. But $13 for a steak sandwich that can't be bit through, with a side of potatoes (when we asked for sweet potatoes), is a little steep. There's a fine line between being spontaneous and just being random. Maybe we just needed more time to build up some trust in a new relationship, but we were with you for, like, almost three hours.
The next day when we called to check in (because we thought we left a bag at your place), you let the phone ring 20 times. Then you pretended that you couldn't hear us. Your drunk jerk friends were in the background, and you hung up, and then you wouldn't pick up when we called again. Thank goodness we found our bag in the car - that would have been a walk of shame we would never live down.
Don't call. Don't write. We can't even be friends. If you decide to move let us know. We see some great potential for your place.
See you around,
Nichole and JM